If you were a wink...

I must admit that material for this blog has been a little slow of late. Any weird come-ons have been from my boyfriend, and frankly those are pure awesome.

As luck would have it, I've been avoiding a creepiness goldmine without even knowing it.

About four years back, I signed up for a dating site in a fit of loneliness. I promptly forgot about it and got on with my life. Recently, they had been sending me email notifications that I had received a "wink" from someone. Winks are creepy enough as it is, but electronic winks? Doubly creepy. So I gleefully deleted the emails and went to make out with my boyfried.

While cleaning out my junk mail, I noticed it was cluttered with these "winks" from various users. I hadn't used the site in years, and the process of deleting your profile from this dating site is pure evil. But I decided to bite the bullet and get that crap done. It was like Dante's Inferno, littered with the bones of broken dating dreams.

In the Second Circle, I had to swim through the mire of winks. Towards the top of the heap was this message from a diamond in the rough:

Seems pretty innocent, right? Well, two months of being ignored would leave anyone feeling a bit desperate:

1. Spell check is awesome.
2. Grammar is awesome, too!
3. "Need a partner for a night"? After being the butt of a lot of "that's what she said" jokes, I am fairly well-versed in Double Entendres. "Partner for the night" roughly translates to, "I want to swing you around the dance floor, maybe hurt your shoulder doing The Pretzel (so you can't fight me off), and breathe on you with my mouth open. Later, I'll pop in a tictac in hopes of a sloppy good night kiss."

With that chilling visual in mind (and since I'm a total glutton for punishment), I clicked on his profile picture.

My profile has been hidden, disabled, and deleted.