Nice Rhythm Section.

During a dance with a good friend I stopped on a nice, solid break in the music. He blithely danced through it, then laughed and shook his head.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I was too busy watching your body."

Um... what?

That's what she said?

Today at Flamebroiler I was pumping "Magic Sauce" into a tiny container for my co-worker's chicken bowl. A man sidled up next to me and waited patiently as I struggled with the giant bottle and its awkward handle. He gestured at the pump and said, "I like the long ones. They're easier to handle."

I flinched and Magic Sauce sprayed everywhere.

Wingardium Creepiosa!

Today a man told me my boba looked delicious. This would be perfectly okay except:

1. He looked like Harry Potter all grown up.
2. A good friend explained to me that boba means "dominant breast" as in "big breast".

My 14 year-old self would've died happy because of this.

He's BaaAAAAaaaaack

Remember this guy?

Yeah, he called again today. "No, you remember me," he insisted. "We laughed about how you and my first girlfriend have the same name."

Uh, sir? You were the only one laughing. I was vaguely uncomfortable the entire conversation.

Also, when you call customer service, maybe you should have an reason to call. Thank you.

Damsel in Distress

I understand that I was wearing a dress on the side of the road. But I would had appreciated it if you didn't wolf-whistle as I was exchanging insurance information.

Customer Disservice

Today we bring you Adventures in Customer Service!


Customer: "What's your name?"
Me: "Danielle."
Customer: "Danielle? That's my first girlfriend's name! We were in orchestra together. She played cello and I played bassoon."
Me: "…"

Please don't say anything about a vibrating box.